It seems a strange phrase but let me explain.
Patients come to me with different issues and the majority of them tell me that they worry. Think about all the scenario’s you run through your head when you are thinking about how to deal with a situation. It’s like watching lots of different endings to a film and you just don’t know which ending will come true, so you go from one scenario to the next, thinking of worse and worse endings until you believe you are living in some kind of horror movie. In reality, it is very rare that your worst ending will come true, so why do we torture ourselves?
Why do we worry?
Worrying is normal – it protects us from harm. If we can work through scenarios we tell ourselves that we are prepared for anything. You will even tell yourself that if I think of the very worst thing that can happen, then anything else is a bonus. There is some truth to that but we have already put ourselves through the traumatic emotion of a worst case scenario which makes the actual ‘ending’ less pleasurable. Life then becomes a series of ‘phew’ moments.
The problem is when the scenarios become completely unrealistic and frightening, or that you try and think of worse scenarios… never letting the last really bad one be the last really bad one!
We all worry, but it’s our ability to tell ourselves to stop worrying and then actively do that which is our power. We need to work with our worry to control it, then we can tell it to shut up and it will listen.
Worrying as a tool.
We worry to protect ourselves but we have to be realistic. If we worry excessively our mental health is affected. We become anxious, over cautious, nervous and life just isn’t as relaxing and fun as it should be. We need to communicate to our worry voice and give it limits. Say to yourself – “Right, I will let you think of three ways that this can go, that is all”. Then really give some time and energy to your thoughts, actively worry – even write down the worry and your three scenarios if you need to – but only do three.
Your active worrying should be a ‘job’ that you actively do, while doing nothing else. When you have your three scenarios, do something physical. It can be anything – housework, going for a walk, doing some knitting etc… but when you take on that task, give everything you have to that so your worry brain is not engaged. Concentrate on the task in hand, concentrate on shining the taps, look at nature on your walk or watch the wool magically weave around the needles when knitting. If your mind wanders, then try another task until your brain is quiet while you are doing your physical task.
It will take time.
You have been worrying for quite some time so don’t expect this to be an instant fix. You need to train your mind to focus on either worrying or a task that you are doing. Don’t let your mind wander. It will take time but you can do it. Just remember when you were learning something new – you had to concentrate on that so you could do it correctly, this is no different. In time, you will learn to control your worry. The side effect to it all is learning how to relax.
You are in control of your own mind. They are your thoughts which you can control with a little time, concentration and dedication. There may be other techniques that will help with your worrying so do seek professional help if this tool doesn’t quite make it – find a professional therapist locally to you or make an appointment with me at the Garden Clinic. You can still work on your active worrying while you get help – it all builds your inner strength and will give you greater control and confidence. Use that worry voice – make it work for your attention and benefit and stop it chattering away uninvited!
Jayne Jones
BSc(Hons) Psych (Open), Cert.Couns.Studies